


just a couple of bros

by Accidie



Category: Daredevil (TV)
Genre: Bad Fic, Crack, Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, Or Is It?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-08
Updated: 2018-09-08
Packaged: 2019-07-08 11:54:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15929906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Accidie/pseuds/Accidie
Summary: The Avengers find out that Matt and Foggy are not only married but are screwing. Matt and Foggy insist that there is nothing gay about it.----pure crack fic, intentionally bad





	just a couple of bros

**Author's Note:**

> hi i am drunk at work

“So, let me get this straight,” Tony says, and it seriously sounds like he’s about to have a stroke at any minute now. “You are married?”   
   
“Yes,” Foggy says.

“And you live in the same apartment?”   
   
“Yup.”   
   
“And you’re screwing each other”   
   
“We make love,” Matt interjects.   
   
“Yeah, whatever. You are living together, fuck and are married. How is that not gay?”

Matt sighs. “It’s not gay because we are married out of convenience, it’s a sham marriage. Foggy can’t be forced to testify against me.”   
   
“But you fuck.”   
   
“Yes, It’s a basic human need.”   
   
Sam looks like he’s struggling to contain his laughter. “Why don’t you fuck other people then?”   
   
“We can’t do that!”, Matt says, an indignant expression on his face. “We can’t cheat on each other.” 

“It’s a sham marriage,” Tony says. “It’s not cheating if you aren’t married for real.”   


“Well”, Steve interjects, “It is cheating in the eyes of God if their union was blessed by a priest. But I assume that you only had a civil union?”

A redness is beginning to take form on Foggys face. “Matt insisted to do it properly. I mean he’s a catholic.”

“You fake married in a church?” says Steve, scandalized.

“You fuck your best friend?”  Says Bucky, interested. 

“Yes, sex is a vital part of a marriage”, Matt is beginning to sound frustrated. 

“A couple of bros touching each other isn’t really gay unless the intent is gay, everything is about intent, right?” Foggy says with a nervous laughter. 

   
“Jesus fucking Christ, this is the dumbest sh-”, Sam begins, but Natasha silences him with a hard glance, before taking a deep breath.    
   
“Okay,” she says. “Define the word gay.”

“A person who is romantically and/or sexually attracted to people of the same sex”, Matt says.

“Define gay relationship.”

   
 “A same-sex relationship is a relationship between persons of the same sex and can take many forms, from romantic and sexual, to non-romantic homosocially-close relationships.”

 _(“_ _That’s_ _from_ _wikipedia_ _”,_ _Bucky_ _whispers_ _to Sam. “_ _Dude_ _,_ _why_ _do_ _you_ _know_ _that_ _?” Sam_ _whispers_ _back.)_    
   
“Would you say that a relationship usually involve two people who have sex, live together and wanting to spend their lives together?” Natasha asks.

“Well, that’s a bit heteronormative but usually.” 

“And you and Foggy are two people of the same sex who live together, have sex and want to spend the rest of your lives together.”

“Yes.”   
   
“So it’s a gay relationship.”   
   
“It’s not gay.” Matt and Foggy say at the same time. 

A collection of groans is heard across the room, and the Avengers vows never to invite the Devil of Hells Kitchen and his lawyer over to the tower ever again.    
 


End file.
